| It's Been Quite Some Time.... |
[Nov. 6th, 2004|11:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Boulevard Of Broken Dreams" - Green Day | ] |
Well, I'm finally trying to update this thing... It's been a while and much has happened... I don't really even know where to begin... I know I haven't really written anything since before I went to Mexico this summer... that was in July really... So, the summer consisted of work, Mexico was great, Had a fun time in AC with Erica and Donyel... But after that... everything pretty much fell apart. So much has changed... I don't really like any of it... After he broke up with me, I think I lost a little part of me... I don't know what I'm doing anymore... I've lost control... Now I need to start getting back on my feet. I may have fallen very hard for him, I don't know if you could call it love, but I know I won't forget him or even send him out of my life, and I know it's not going to be happening again... It hurts, but I have to deal with that. He used to make me so happy, when I was with him, I was the happiest kid at Kean... I still get that feeling, but I'm also so sad at the same time... And I know what you are thinking, just move on... But all the guys I've met thus far, yeah, they may be interested in me, and they're all very cool to hang out with, and believe me, I hang out with a lot of guys... But I just can't... There's just something missing... I know though, things will work themselves out over time... Still things are changing and not things that I like... We've lost Jackie... Not only as a roommate because she is now transfering to Stockton, but also as a friend... And I can't blame everything on Mike, but last year, she was so much fun... She would stay on the weekends and party with us, she'd hang out, I remember even kinda deep conversations with her, but it's all changed now... And Erica, I'm happy for her... She's found something that she likes... I wish her all the luck with this new relationship. Even though her and Greg are great to hang out with, it kinda makes me sad, because I wish I had something like that... But her and Donyel are great... They put up with my tears all the time, and they give me great advice everytime... Anyways, I don't even want to go home anymore... Sure I do truely miss hanging out with Nikki and Mark, but then again, it makes me sad, because I want something like that... but they are the best, and I miss them... I miss my sister too, I miss hanging out with her, and being able to talk to her at night when things go wrong or right, she was always there to listen to me, no matter what it was, even if it was the same story over and over again... And at the end of this summer, I know I hurt her, and I am so sorry that I did. I wish it never happened. I regret it every day. She is the last person on earth that I wanted to hurt. But I managed to do it, and I am so sorry. I also miss my dad. I know he works hard everyday to put me through college, and even when I was home I barely got to see him, but he is my dad and I love him and miss him so much. When I make my Sunday visits, it makes me so happy to sit down with him and talk to him for a few hours about everything that's going on and watch some type of sportting event with him. If I were ever to lose him, I don't know what I would do. Now this might be harsh, but my mom... Seeing her once a week is fine with me. She's actually nice when she hasn't seen me in a while... I honestly don't want to hear her bitch about every little thing I do. Everything, to her, that I do is wrong. She makes home not a place I look foward to going to. I remember what she did on the day Adam broke up with me, a time when I needed a shoulder to cry on... She told me to get over it, even though I was so upset, she dragged me out of the house to Khol's to buy me a pair of shoes... Like that was gunna help. And school... well, I need to get my act together. Wow, this has turned into one of the saddest journal entries. Imagin having this bottled up every night with you. And people wonder why my away messages are mostly depressing songs. I don't know what happened, I used to be so happy, and now I'm so used to putting up a façade of happiness... Well, this is not always true. I'm happy when I hang out with everyone, but I think it's the times when I'm alone, and I start to think, are the times I'm sad. I think with the past events, things that I have done, mistakes that I have made, I've made myself to not feel beautiful anymore, and I know I am. I'm a good person and I deserve better. I know compared to some, all this stuff I've written about here, is nothing... I must be making a mountian out of an ant hill, but this is what my life is and that is how I feel. I just have to learn how to deal. Now the highlight of these past few months was going to the Green Day concert. It was so awesome and I had the best time. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't have fun hanging out every night with everyone here, the concert was just something different, and it was great. Now I'll leave with the lyrics to the Green Day song "Boulevard Of Broken Dreams".
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk alone
I walk alone an' I walk a
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone
Read between the lines what's
Fucked up and everything's all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk alone
I walk alone an' I walk a
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah
I walk alone an' I walk a
I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone |
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| Another Survey... |
[Aug. 28th, 2004|09:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "She Will Be Loved" - Maroon 5 | ] |
> THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
> 01 | Being alone
> 02 | Dying
> 03 | Bugs
>
> THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
> 01 | Donny
> 02 | Erica
> 03 | Nikki
>
> THREE THINGS I LOVE:
> 01 | Teaching
> 02 | Being in love
> 03 | Shopping
>
> THREE THINGS I HATE:
> 01 | Fake people
> 02 | Being heartbroken
> 03 | Not understanding
> THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
> 01 | Life
> 02 | Why people do the things they do
> 03 | Guys
>
> THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
> 01 | Filling this out
> 02 | Wishing he would call
> 03 | Watching TV
>
> THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
> 01 | Get married
> 02 | Have kids
> 03 | Be content with life
>
> THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
> 01 | Cute
> 02 | Happy
> 03 | Loving
>
> THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
> 01 | Chocolate
> 02 | French Fries
> 03 | Pizza
>
> THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
> 01 | Coke
> 02 | Chocolate Soi Milk
> 03 | Ice Tea
>
> THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
> 01 | My Little Pony
> 02 | Smurfs
> 03 | Fragel Rock |
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| Yeah, You know who you are... |
[Jul. 29th, 2004|08:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Avril" | ] |
"So much for my happy ending...
Lets talk this over,
It's not like we're dead,
Was it something I did,
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hanging,
In a city so dead,
Held up so high,
I'm such a breakable thread.
You were all the things I thought I knew
and I thought we could be...
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, suppose to be but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me just fade away
All this time you were pretending,
So much for my happy ending.
You've got your dumb friends,
I know what they say,
They tell you I'm difficult,
but so are they.
but they don't know me,
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me,
All the shit that you do.
You were all the things I thought I knew
and I thought we could be...
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, suppose to be, but we lost it
and all of the memories, so close to me just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
It's nice to know that you were there,
Thanks for acting like you cared
and making me feel like I was the only one.
It's nice to know we had it all,
Thanks for watching as I fall
and letting me know we were done.
He was everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, suppose to be, but we lost it
all the memories, so close to me just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending "
"Just wait and see, you're everything I want
Don't take this from me
Just wait and see, you're everything I want
Don't take this from me now
And these cold winter nights, without you next to me
It feels like twenty below
Frostbite on my heart
This pain and suffering are feelings that you don't know
Does it feel like, feel like twenty below" |
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| Movin' Stuff |
[May. 27th, 2004|08:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sore | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Take My Breath Away" - Jessica Simpson | ] |
Wanted to make these in a public post cuz they're cool and I'm bored. :-)
You have a twisted soul! Twisted Souls are never
bad, and actually, are a rarity amongst souls.
These souls are a little combination of
everything, with always a little of their own
chaos to add. Twisted Souls are kind, loving,
weird, zany, temperamental, and very talented.
They have their own firm opinion, and can at
one time be very outspoken and passionate, and
the other time shy and feeling insignificant.
Twisted Souls have good senses of Humor and
other times can be a bore. You can act quite
intelligent at one time, and grasp concepts
easily, while other times they can find it
difficult to understand. Twisted Souls are
always very fun and Kind, and can be party
animals. But, if you love someone, youre
serious about it, intense, and forever loyal.
Congratulations-the world should have more like
you.
What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla
discover your inner candy heart @ quiz me
You enjoy life, humor, and being exuberant. Wherever you go you usually find yourself stealing the spotlight without even trying. You love to let go and have fun.
Find out your color at Quiz Me!
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discover what candy you are @ quiz me |
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| First Year Over... |
[May. 2nd, 2004|12:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Stellar" - Incubus | ] |
I can't believe my first year of college is over... I should be happy, you know, summer vacation and all. But I'm not! I can't wait to go back to school. I hate living at home. I've only been here for two days and I'm going absolutely out of my mind already!! This bullshit is not happening next summer. I am going to find an appartment, I don't care who I have to live with, I'm not coming home!! Doing everyone's laundry - it takes me forever to do my own!! Doing everyone's dishes -- nuh uh, ain't flyin'! Getting bitched at about everything under the sun as soon as I walk through the door -- enough to put me into an instatution!! I now understand why there are alcoholics!! These people are enough to drive me to drink!!! "Go out and get a job" - what the fuck do you think i'm doing?! I can't make them call me!! And when I do find a job, guess who is going to work as much as possible so she doesn't have to come home! I'm also joining a gym so that I have another place I can go for hours!! Donny, E-Hood, Jax,I MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!!!!!!! LoL. I need to come visit as soon as possible!!! I'm still not unpacked though... I am being so lazy. My room is a mess. I need to redo like everything in here. I just want to keep everything in boxes so it's ready for the fall to move back into school. Burch 312 baby!!!! haha. I am so bored right now... I don't even know what to do. I just ate, and I'm about to call Adam... Adam, don't even get me started... I miss him already! I can't wait to see him again. I know, most of you don't understand why, and neither do I. All I know is that I have never felt this way about someone before. He just drives me wild! I can't explain it!! And when I think about him with anyone else, like thinking about what he's done in the past, I actually get sick to my stomach! This has never happened before with anyone else!! I don't about the whole love thing, but I know he means the world to me. |
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| Yay... |
[Apr. 10th, 2004|07:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Could Not Ask For More" - Edwin McCain | ] |
Fun weekend............ Well, it wasn't to bad... Thrusday, drinking at Eddie's, Scott and Heather came up to visit and hang with the crew which was cool, friday, drove home, talked on the phone with erica, who never called me back!!! and hung out with my sister, saturday, hung out with sister and john. (Um...?) tomorrow, a trip to Brooklyn and then back to school!
Can't believe Donny actually got her tounge pierced!!! Our brave soldier! haha.
A certain someone doesn't want to be mentioned in my journal but -- I missed ya this weekend!! haha. ;-) |
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| Haha |
[Apr. 6th, 2004|02:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Toxic" - Britney Spears | ] |
Ha! I stoles it from Heather!!! :-) Love ya!!
| The Basics | </td>| Name?: | Jamie | | Sex?: | Female | | Birthday?: | September 8, 1985 | | Location?: | New Jersey | | Height?: | 5'5" | | Weight?: | 110lbs | | Hair Color?: | Right now it's red. | | Eye Color?: | Light brown | | Social Life | </td>| Who is your best friend(s)?: | I'd have to say my sister, Donny, Erica, and Jackie | | Would you rather be alone, hangout with one other person, or in a group?: | All 3 are great. | | What would you consider a typical Friday nite?: | Hanging out. Probably drinking. | | How often do you go out on the weekend? during the week?: | Almost every night. | | Would you rather spend the day with your family or friends?: | FRIENDS | | Love Life | </td>| Are you single?: | This is an interesting one | | If so, do u have a crush?: | ... | | What is his/her name?: | ... | | If not, what is his/her name?: | ... | | How long have you two been together?: | eh, 2 monthsish | | This or That | </td>| Night or Day?: | Night | | Cat or Dog?: | Dog | | Ugly and Sweet or Hott and Mean?: | Ugly and Sweet | | Hot or Cold?: | Hot | | Tall or Short?: | Tall | | Prep of Punk?: | Punk | | Winter or Summer?: | Summer | | McDonalds or Burgerking?: | McDonalds | | Hard or Soft?: | Soft | | Yes or No? | </td>| Do you drink?: | Yes | | Have you ever gotten drunk?: | Yes | | Do you smoke?: | Not anymore | | Have you ever gotten high?: | Yes | | Are you prude?: | No | | Are you a virgin?: | No | | Are you smart?: | Sure | | Are you ugly?: | Don't think so | | Are you pretty?: | Yeah | | Are you trustworthy?: | Yes! | | Random | </td>| How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?: | To many to count | | How many pairs of shoes do you have that actually fit?: | all of shoes i have fit! | | What size bra do you wear?: | ... | | Have you ever colored your hair?: | yes | | What pieces of jewlery do you wear everyday?: | a watch, a braclett, a necklace, 9 earings, and an ankle braclett | | Do you have a cell phone?: | yes | | Name three things you "can't live without": | Music, Friends, Family | | Who do you talk to the most on aim? phone?: | Usually talk to people on AIM | | What color(s) is your room?: | Multicolored | | Do you have a computer in your room?: | yes | | What time do you usually go to bed? wake up?: | whenever i feel like it | | What's your favorite clothes store?: | Hollister | | Do you wear makeup?: | yes | | Do you paint your nails?: | yes | | What size shoe are you?: | 7 | | Did you like this quiz/survey?: | i guess |
All About You!! brought to you by BZOINK! |
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| The 411 |
[Mar. 30th, 2004|12:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" - The Darkness | ] |
[ series 1 - the 411 ]
-- Name : Jaymee
-- Birthday: September 8, 1985
-- Birthplace : Brooklyn, NY
-- Current Location : Hazlet, NJ
-- Eye Color : Light Brown
-- Hair Color : Right now, It's very dark and red!!
-- Righty or Lefty : Right
-- Zodiac Sign: Virgo
-- Innie or outie: Innie
-- Font : Tahoma
[ series 2 - your favorite ]
-- Music : I love all kinds of music!!
-- Cartoon: Simpsons and Family Guy
-- Color : Baby Blue
-- Slushy Flavor : Depends on where I am getting it from
-- Magazine : Cosmo
-- TV Show : Friends, Will and Grace
-- Song : Piano Man - Billy Joel
-- Movie : Interview With A Vampire
-- Language : English?
-- Spice Girl : Ha!
-- Food & Beverage : Mountain Dew, and ANYTHING ITALIAN!
-- Subject in School : Biology
-- Weekend Activity : I'm up for anything really..
-- Ice Cream Flavor : Mint Chocolate Chip
[ series 3 - what is ]
-- Your most overused phrase: 'Like' or 'Ew'
-- The first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning: GOD DAMN IT!! lol
-- The last image/thought you go to sleep with : wouldnt u like 2 know?
-- The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: Eyes
-- The Best Name for a Butler : Alfred
-- The wussiest sport : Golf
-- Your best feature : I think I have an awesome body! lol
-- Your bedtime : whenever I want it to be!
-- Your greatest fear : getting fat!!
-- Your greatest accomplishment : I graduated High School!! WOOWHOO!!
-- Your most missed memory: My Grandpas
[ series 4 - you prefer ]
-- Pepsi or coke : Coke
-- McDonald's or Burger King : How about Wendy's?!
-- Single or group dates : Both are fun!
-- Adidas or nike : Adidas
-- Chicken nuggets or chicken fingers: Depends on where they're from...
-- Dogs or cats : dogs
-- Rugrats or Doug : Doug
-- Single or taken : SINGLE
-- Monica or Brandy : Don't care
-- Tupac or Jay-Z : Don't care
-- Shania Twain or LeAnn Rhymes : Shania
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea : They both taste the same
-- One pillow or two : 2
-- Chocolate or vanilla : chocolate
-- Hot chocolate or hot cocoa : it's the same thing isn't it? both are yummy!
-- Cappucino or coffee : If i have to pick I guess cappucino, I'm actually a tea drinker
-- Boxers or briefs : Boxers
[ series 5 - do you ]
-- Take a shower everyday? : Yes
-- Have a(any) crush(es)? : Yup
-- Do you think you've been in love? : Love is a very strong word.
-- Want to go to college? : I'm here!!
-- Like high school? : Not really, college is better
-- Want to get married : Yes!
-- Type with your fingers on the right keys? : Sometimes
-- Believe in yourself? : Yeah.
-- Have any tattoos/where? : Not yet
-- Have any piercings/where? : 4 in each ear plus one in my cartallige. and more to come!
-- Get motion sickness? : No
-- Think you're a health freak? : no
-- Get along with your parents? : sometimes
-- Like thunderstorms? : they're kinda cool
[ series 6 - the future ]
-- Age you hoping to be married : 24 ish
-- Number and Names of Children : 3 kids, 2 boys, 1 girl... not sure about names!!
-- Where do you see yourself at age 20? : College and more...
-- How do you want to die? : in my sleep when I am very very old
-- What do you want to be when you grow up? : Working on becoming a Teacher For The Deaf
-- What country would you most like to visit? : Italy!
[ series 7 - opposite sex ]
-- Best eye color? : blue - or hazel cuz they change
-- Best hair color? : blond or brown
-- Short or long hair? : either
-- Best height? : at least 6'
-- Best weight? : it depends on his height, but not fat and not to skinny - muscular...
-- Best articles of clothing? : whatever he wants to wear!
-- Best first date location? : picnic on the beach or in the park so you can talk and get to know the person
-- Best first kiss location? : Wherever, whenever.
[ series 8 - other ]
-- When's the last time you slept with a stuffed animal? : the last time i was back at home!
-- How many rings until you answer the phone? : 2
-- What's on your mouse pad? : don't have a mouse or pad, i have a laptop!
-- How many houses have you lived in? : 3
-- How many schools have you gone to? : 6
-- What color is your bedroom carpet? : it's multicolored
-- What was the best time of your life so far? : college is looking pretty great right now.. |
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